Blogs By
Ralph H. Kilmann

Addressing the four timeless topics: conflict,
change, consciousness, and transformation

There are two kinds of “avoiding” to keep in mind: good avoiding and bad avoiding. Good avoiding is when you purposely leave a conflict situation in order to collect more information, wait for tempers to calm down, or because you’ve concluded that what you first thought was a vital issue isn’t that important after all. Bad avoiding, however, is when the topic is very important to both persons (and to the organization), but you aren’t comfortable with confronting other people: Instead, you’re inclined to sacrifice your needs for others—which undermines your self-esteem and leaves you perpetually dissatisfied. ...

by Ralph H. Kilmann, co-author of the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument (TKI)

In my work and in my published workbooks, I refer to the “three-day washout effect:” Three days after the workshop (regardless of the topic), it's as if the workshop never took place, since it's back to business as usual. In most cases, even with the best of intentions, people so easily fall back on their old (conditioned) habits, which are usually supported by a dysfunctional culture and a silent (or politicized) reward system....

by Ralph H. Kilmann, co-author of the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument (TKI)

That question comes up from time to time, especially during group training and classroom discussions. Here is my response (which may or may not surprise you):

Technically speaking, the TKI cannot answer this question, even though people often try to extract inferences from various statistical tables (incorrectly). The fact is that the TKI does not measure absolute frequencies that can then be summed or averaged in any meaningful way across individuals. ...

by Ralph H. Kilmann, co-author of the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument (TKI)

During the past few years, I’ve posted several discussions on self-awareness, mindfulness, consciousness, subtle energy, and mind/body/spirit modalities. For this blog, I’d like to share with you how I use the TKI Conflict Model to help people resolve their four foundational—inner—conflicts, which directly pertain to such timeless subjects. ...

by Ralph H. Kilmann, co-author of the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument (TKI)

In previous blogs, I've examined such inner reflections as who determines your self-worth (you or others) and how you resolve the conflict between your ego and your soul. Using one or more of the five conflict modes, each of us develops some answers to these questions—or we avoid the topic altogether and thus let the “answers” be driven by our conditioned habits and unconscious cultural expectations....

by Ralph H. Kilmann, co-author of the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument (TKI)

Recently, I’ve been having more discussions on the core topic of self-worth: Am I a good or bad person? Am I valuable? Am I loveable? Do I deserve to be happy? And, most importantly, who chooses the answers to these profound questions: You or other people?...

by Ralph H. Kilmann, co-author of the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument (TKI)

Since the early 1970s, two dimensions have been used to plot the five conflict modes: Assertiveness and Cooperativeness (my attempts to satisfy my own needs versus my attempts to satisfy the other person's needs, respectively). Occasionally, these two dimensions were modified to Person A and Person B, as just another way of focusing on the needs and concerns of two people engaged in an interpersonal conflict....

by Ralph H. Kilmann, co-author of the Thomas-Kilmann Instrument (TKI)

Since the start of these blogs, I have posted numerous discussions on various aspects of consciousness, conflict, truth, and resolution. As it turns out, those particular discussions were often drawn from an autobiographical book that I was writing during the past seven years. Finally, that book has been published: The Courageous Mosaic: Awakening Society, Systems, and Souls....