by Ralph H. Kilmann

Conflict exists whenever the needs and concerns of two people appear to be incompatible—which reflects relevant differences between them. The fundamental question in conflict situations is always the same: How can people resolve or manage their differences so their needs and concerns—both short term and long term—will be met?

RESPONDING TO THE TKI

Taking the TKI is the first step in learning how you typically approach differences with others and why you might not be getting your own needs met and/or not getting the needs of others met. Like most people, you’ve probably developed a habitual way of dealing with interpersonal conflict—always trying to manage differences in the same old way, with little variation.

But after you’ve responded to the TKI assessment tool, you’ll discover your relative use of all five TKI conflict-handling modes: competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, and accommodating.

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The TKI Conflict Model
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More specifically, for the five conflict modes displayed on the above model (based on different combinations of assertiveness and cooperativeness), you’ll discover which modes you’re likely using too much (typically out of habit or personal preferences) and which modes you probably using too little (perhaps because you haven’t yet learned the benefits of using your lower-scoring conflict modes).

INTERPRETING YOUR TKI PROFILE

Once you’ve received your five percentile scores (immediately after taking the online assessment tool), the TKI Profile and Interpretive Report will then provide you with valuable information on when to use each conflict mode:

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Click to See a
TKI Profile and
Interpretive Report

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For those conflict modes that you typically use too much or too little, a series of developmental questions are provided to help you use your most popular modes with more restraint and your least popular modes with more confidence. Ultimately, with practice, you can develop a balanced profile (no high or low scores), which means you’ll now have equal access to each mode in every conflict situation.

ASSESSING THE CONFLICT SITUATION

Most importantly (although often neglected after a person receives and interprets their TKI results), is learning how to read The Eight Key Attributes of a Conflict Situation that largely determine when one conflict mode will likely work better than other modes in managing interpersonal differences:

1. Is the conflict situation plagued with overwhelming stress?
2. Is the conflict simple (one dimensional) or complex (multi-dimensional)?
3. How important is the topic to both persons?
4. Is there sufficient time (or will people make the time) to address their conflict?
5. Is there sufficient trust between both people (to share their true needs and concerns with one another)?
6. Do people have good listening and communication skills (so they can hear what the other is saying without getting one another defensive)?
7. Do cultural norms and the reward system encourage people to share their true needs and concerns?
8. How important is the relationship to both people (and do they want their relationship to last)?

Your answers to these eight questions pinpoint which conflict mode is best for you to use—given the current realities of the situation.

Gradually, however, most (or all) of the key attributes of a conflict situation can be purposely changed—using the principles and practices of personal development and organizational transformation. As a result, in time, more people will get most (or all) of their needs met—which will provide everyone with greater happiness and success.

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Click to Read Much More About
The Eight Key Attributes of a
Conflict Situation

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USING EACH TKI MODE EFFECTIVELY

Regardless of which of the five conflict modes you choose according to the eight key attributes of a conflict situation, you still have to use that chosen mode effectively.

For example, when using any of the three assertive modes (competing, collaborating, or compromising), you might be communicating in a way that gets the other person defensive—by speaking, whether deliberately or not, in a condescending, arrogant, demanding, or insulting manner. Alternatively, you can learn how to use each assertive mode in a manner that supports, respects, empathizes, and affirms the other person—which is more likely to lead to a workable and peaceful resolution. Naturally, the same principle applies to the unassertive modes: avoiding and accommodating.

Each conflict mode can thus be used very differently—with very different results. Therefore, after you choose to use a particular TKI conflict mode in a given situation, also ensure that you can communicate your needs and concerns to others (or avoid the situation) in an effective—and dignified—manner.

Once people can assess the key attributes of a conflict situation and how to effectively use each of the five modes, they can then learn how to use several modes—in sequence.

For example, a person might begin by using the competing mode, to see if he can get his most important needs met. If that doesn’t work (because the topic is also very important to the other person), the next approach might involve collaborating with the other person. But if both people run out of time, they can then use either avoiding (to postpone the discussion for another day) or compromising (so at least both people get some of their needs met for the time being). Or one person might decide the issue isn’t as important as it first seemed, so he’ll use the accommodating mode (so at least the other person gets her needs met).

Not surprisingly, using a sequence of one conflict mode after another, as a complex situation unfolds, will likely bring greater happiness and success to both people than would be the case if only one conflict mode were used, again and again, even as the eight attributes of the situation keep changing.

MODIFYING THE TKI INSTRUCTIONS

The standard instructions for responding to the 30 items on the TKI are as follows: “Consider situations in which you find your wishes differing from those of another person. How do you usually respond to such situations?” Notice that no particular situation is specified in the TKI’s standard instructions, since the deliberate focus is on ALL situations that a respondent has previously encountered (or is presently experiencing).

But instead of asking participants to respond to the 30 TKI items across ALL their interpersonal situations, the standard instructions can be modified for a specified situation: “INSIDE THIS ORGANIZATION (or GROUP), when you find your wishes differing from those of another member, how do you usually respond?”

And then, with a second TKI assessment, we can ask the same participants to respond to these modified instructions: “OUTSIDE THIS ORGANIZATION (or GROUP), when you find your wishes differing from those of another person, how do you usually respond?”

NOTE: In place of ORGANIZATION or GROUP, you can insert the exact name of a particular organization, department, team, or work group.

For convenience sake, I refer to this targeted approach of having 1 or more participants each take 2 TKIs with modified instructions as: The Inside/Outside Perspective at Work.

Very often, people’s TKI Profiles (pinpointing which conflict modes might be overused or underused) vary dramatically across these two sets of modified instructions for assessing the INSIDE and OUTSIDE perspective at work. Such differences provide valuable information about the effects of the organization’s culture, the reward system, and the immediate manager’s leadership style on conflict-handling behavior in the workplace.

NOTE: Other than the type of modifications suggested above, do not alter any other aspect of the standard TKI instructions, since the remainder of those instructions is essential for maintaining the validity of the TKI assessment process.

For additional information on using the TKI, see: FAQs and Contact Us.